the turtle speaks

Their last goodbye

I didn’t know them long. Quiet-spoken, kind people. A nice, older couple that graced our church in their later years. They loved their granddaughter and America. Part of the Greatest Generation that has been talked about for so long. When a minister at that church, we honored those who had been married for more than 50 years one Sunday and asked if they could submit photos of themselves when younger. He had just one picture of her from before 30 or so (a reminder that we are blessed in an age of prolific digital memories) that he was reluctant to share, just in case something happened. The picture, like the relationship, was precious.

She got quite sick. I went to visit the family in the hospital, and after a few days it appeared it was just a waiting game. Those are the hard visits, but they are always glad to have you there. One day, when her breathing became laborious, it was nearly time. As the doctor broke the news to the family, the husband was overcome for a moment reached for his wife, and loudly exclaimed “I forgive you for anything you’ve done to me and ask your forgiveness for anything I’ve done to you!” Then he wept.

I was struck then — and now, years later — by their last moment together. He sought reconciliation, unity, restoration, forgiveness. I don’t know if there were long-standing matters he had in mind or just a general cover-all; nor does it matter. What the beauty of the moment brought to mind for me was the power of forgiveness, acceptance, and deep, life-long love.

Relationships are things of complex beauty, or at least they should be. The daily interactions, sharing of life, and investment in something other than oneself is a noble, difficult, and worthy task. We all desire wholeness and intimacy wither others, whether in a marriage setting or with familial ties and deep friendships.

I left the hospital that day with a new resolve: to love others deeper and ask for forgiveness more readily. These are ongoing tasks. I try to never turn down the opportunity to share time with others in small-group settings (< 8 especially. I find I do better in smaller groups). I am getting better at asking for forgiveness; but pride gets in the way sometimes.

I aim to live long enough to watch beautiful relationships be temporarily severed by death. I cherish the times I have seen that played out in person.

What are we working for?

You may have recently heard about the Waldenesque Austrian tycoon who sold everything he owned to live in the woods. He’s got a small stipend he plans to live off of and his fortune is being used to finance his microcredit organization helping those in need in Latin America. His rationale is that his money was making him unhappy, culminating in observations of phony people in nice resorts on a recent expensive vacation. There is no explicit religious motivation behind his decision, though the concept is certainly biblical.

Money often does not buy happiness, and unexpected wealth can bring misery (or disaster). Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, concluded wealth increases human happiness when it lifts people out of abject poverty and into the middle class but that it does little to increase happiness thereafter. The pursuit of money is a joyless task in-and-of itself.

There’s certainly something romantic about abandoning civilization and simplifying life. That’s often what vacations are for people: working in some high-rise and vacation down in the Gulf of Mexico-o. Money consistently fails to deliver it’s promise of a happier life. It does provide an easier life, which is ironically not what people ultimately want. They want a simpler life. But the lure of the promise of wealth remains.

It’s certainly easy to fall into this trap. I find myself checking on how my investments are doing rather than writing letters to friends; I read reviews of gadgets I don’t have without fully utilizing the ones I have. As the wise philosopher Sheryl Crow noted It¹s not having what you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got

I have no idea why money ultimately made this man so unhappy as to want to give it all up. I am determined that it will not happen to me. Though I probably won’t have the multi-millions that he had, the lure is still there.

Resolve to live a life that uses the resources and blessings you have; viewing money as a tool to enjoy life now and assist others rather than striving for financial goals or a future ease that may not be all it seems. It’s not about being greedy, but about being grateful and content. What a shame to have funds and no one to share with or no time to enjoy it:

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.