the turtle speaks

Honest questions about Christmas music

I love me some Christmas music. There’s lots of uplifting messages, old-school melodies, and warm fuzzy feelings. I find, however, a few questions about some lyrics that I throw out there. Any guidance would be appreciated.

• Little Lord Jesus no crying he makes‽ What kind of [docetic] Christology is that?
• Holy infant so tender and mild‽ Is this a baby or a chicken curry dish?
• Who is Parson Brown? Does he frequently inquire into the marital status of people and is he in the habit of haphazardly marrying others when he’s in town?
• Is the guy from Baby, It’s Cold Outside guilty of persistence or harassment? (No means no, people)
• What if you only have heterosexual apparel to don? Can you still deck the halls?
• What and where is Santa Claus Lane?

There are no questions about Little Drummer Boy, All I want for Christmas is You, and Christmas Wrapping (aka Christmas by myself this year). They speak for themselves (and not in a good way).

I’m reasonably sure my wife isn’t _the one_ for me

It doesn’t take too long of listening to popular culture before you hear people talking about the one or a soulmate; the person who they are meant for and who compliments them in every way. The person they were destined to be with (by God, Fate, the Universe, Madam Cleo, etc).

I’ve been happily married to the same woman for a little over a decade, but I think it’s time to just come out and say I don’t think she’s my soulmate. That would mean that of the over 3 billion women on the planet, I happen to have found the perfect match. Unlikely.

“But wait!” I hear you say, “some of those are already married or too young or old. And you’ve never met any women from Mongolia, so you can’t count them.”

This is true. So let’s narrow it down a bit. Some general traits that are important to me with a rough numerical estimate:

• A woman (3.75 billion)
• Shorter than I am (99% of women)
• ±3 years of my age (120 million or so)
• Speaks English (~380 million)
• Shares my faith heritage (~1 million)
• Is interesting to me (?)
• Is attractive to me (?)
• Isn’t psychotic

There are, of course, more specific criterion that are important to me, but you get the idea. Add to this a few key points:

• She and I would have to meet (~10,000 or so)
• She is interested and attracted to me (quite small I’m sure)

Even if one were to limit my options to the women at the small, faith-based, private University I went to, that’s still several hundred choices. I didn’t even know half their names.

What I can safely say with confidence is that of all the girls I’ve known (and especially of those I’ve dated), my wife is the best choice of all of them.

So at the risk of sounding cynical, it seems highly improbable that my life circumstances have brought me into contact with the perfect person for me. If there even is a perfect person for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and am very happy with my decision and our life together. It’s that I think the one thinking and language (prominent in pop songs and romantic comedies) is detrimental to healthy relationships. Here’s why:

• Basing the relationship on mutual choice rather than some metaphysical compatibility puts the emphasis on commitment to the other person rather than to a relationship ideal. You have a spouse because you consciously choose to love them; not because it was meant to be.
• You realize there are hundreds or thousands of people you might be equally happy with (or happier in some regards, less in others), but that there would be rocky times too. Removing “the one” ideal from a relationship puts your current relationship on par with hypothetical ones.
• You realize that in some sense you “settle” for who you get in a relationship. This can be liberating.
• If your soulmate were to change their mind and run off (as happens with frequency) then they either weren’t your soulmate or, worse yet, the person most meant for you turned on you (ouch).

I look forward to many more decades of marriage to my bride. She’s still the one I want to be with the rest of my life. And our relationship will get better because we work on it and make it better. I’m sure there’s some equally good matches for me out there (even in my limited life experience), but they haven’t been with me the last decade. And that counts for a lot.

Also:

Cutting back on TV is like cutting back on soda (or high-sugar of any kind). Once you’ve done it, even moderate amounts don’t taste good. Quote of the day:

When television is good, nothing — not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers — nothing is better.

But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite each of you to sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day, without a book, without a magazine, without a newspaper, without a profit and loss sheet or a rating book to distract you. Keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that what you will observe is a vast wasteland.

You will see a procession of game shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western bad men, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence, and cartoons. And endlessly commercials — many screaming, cajoling, and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you’ll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, I only ask you to try it.

- FCC chairman Newton N. Minow speaking to the convention of the National Association of Broadcasters.

I love this quote. The kicker? It’s from May 9, 1961. When there were three television networks and the world was still inventing color. Wonder what Minow would say about the state of the medium today (he’s 85).

Trivium: the S. S. Minnow from Gilligan’s Island was named in “honor” of his assessment.

It’s [nearly] football time in Oklahoma

I am an Oklahoma Sooners fan. When I was a boy, I asked my dad whether he ‘liked OU or OSU’ (as my bifurcated cousins wondered), and he replied that he tended to like OU.

On the one hand, it’s easy to be an OU fan, as any list of superlatives and quick facts demonstrate. It’s easy to back a winner and, unfortunately, easy to bash a loser.

But to those who still have Oklahoma shirt from 1997 (4 wins, 8 losses) and don’t jump ship at every BCS loss, there’s something more to it than that.

It’s about identity. It’s about state pride. It’s about saying “Our topsoil may have blown off to the Dakotas, 1/5 of our population may have limped off to California, we may be a flyover state somewhere in the middle*, and we may have lots of red dirt that stains our clothes and our hearts, but that’s our team. They can play, and we’re proud of them.”

“Anywhere you go, anytime you mention you’re from Oklahoma, people immediately think of our football team. That’s not a negative. It’s what we’re known for.”

(Max Weitzenhoffer, quoted in an excellent ESPN.com article)

Yup, it’s nearly fall, and that means that it’s nearly football time in Oklahoma.

* From Sleepless in Seattle:

“Dear Sleepless in Seattle. I live in Tulsa.”
Where’s that?
In Oklahoma.
Where is that?
Somewhere in the middle.

Just had a lady tell me “I could never do foster care. It’d hurt too much when they leave.”

Im guessing she doesn’t know that is what foster families sign up for or she thinks they are immune to the pain of separation and loss.

Free Kiva loan

If you’ve read this blog before, you know I love Kiva.org and what they’re doing. They’ve got a promo now to get new users to use their service to provide loans to the working poor around the world.

Here’s the deal: Kiva will give you $25 to lend to someone in the world who wouldn’t otherwise qualify for a loan. Upsides: No obligation. You get a chance to help someone in need and it costs you nothing but a minute or two of your time. Downside: When the loan is repaid, Kiva keeps the funds (normally you can either withdraw them or loan again).

Interested? Why wouldn’t you be? Sign up here